8 years ago
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Still living
I'm still alive and I think it's time for me to stop being such a big baby and get over myself. I've just been caught in this spiral of depression and guilt and I really need to put the brakes on this before it gets completely out of hand. If there is anyone who doesn't know I've been diagnosed with a depression/anxiety disorder and I take several medications to try and keep myself on an even keel. My doctor has recently stopped one of those meds and after taking it for a couple of years I'm having some withdrawal symtoms. Add that to this awful situation with Jamie and I'm one hysterical crying fit away from the looney bin. Thank gawd I have Katie and BT - they keep me kinda grounded and don't let me get too far into that circular thinking that has my mind whirling like a hamster wheel. All of my blog buddies are a great help too - I don't have many "real world" friends so you all are my support when I'm feeling like a great big loser. Thank you all you've helped me more than you can ever know. I'm back now.
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10 comments:
You are NOT a loser. Period.
'Nuff said.
hang in there baby. i for one have been so encouraged by YOUR words, so to me you are a pillar of strength. i too suffer from serious anxiety and depression, and i have gone back and forth on meds and through withdrawal on them. i know what the hamster wheel is like. i am not on them now but every day is a pull up by my bootstraps. it's my wiring AND my circumstances, but my therapist says people who live with anxiety disorders are about 10 times tougher than people who do not. no offense to those who are blessedly without them, but the day can take on a different cast when you are battling your instincts. i think you are to be admired and celebrated. you are the best!
Jamie is making adult decisions that are tripping him up and often we have to just watch our children stumble and fall, hard as it is.
Meds can help - lord knows I've been there myself, but being off of them can be a freeing experience, once the panic of not having them wears off.
I have NO r/l friends so I know what you mean when you say you have few. We all rely on each other when we need to, and learn to rely on ourselves most of all.
Love you!
~danelle
Ya know what you need? A little retail therapy and to get out the house with a friend. I have a phone again, so call me would ya?
Bell came yesterday and I thought to myself why are they here so early? It was 1 o'clock, talk of depression, missed my meds 2 days in a row and then slept for over 18 hours and still feel tired!
I KNOW what you are going through, I also know what Jamie is going through (sad to say, I was once stupid too) I just hope he doesn't dig himself in such a deep hole that he won't be able to climb out of it. He's 18 soon isn't he? The law certainly won't be in his favour then, they aren't doing him any favours by letting him get off with crimes now, in a few months, they'll be slamming him in for sure!
I know when I am screaming, angry, crying, and no one is listening, the best things are to get away from "them" aka my family, and go da-da-da-da-da-da CHARGE IT! JK, I know that can be dangerous too when we're in these "moods", but seriously, give me a call, we should go do my recent favourite past time, look in the garden centres and admire!
Chin up ... Lost
This too shall pass. I know it's easy for me to say, but I have a feeling you will come out of this just fine and so will your son once he grows up a bit.
Take care!
I can so relate to the guilt and anxiety you have about your SOn. Mine was fine until he turned 16 then his hormones dumped on him, and he went wacko. Then he settled in again and was fine until he turned 28, but by then he was an adult and was making his own decisions. He knew I would give him nothing but Love when that happened, and hard as it was, That is all I gave. I viisted him every day in Jail, and gave him a couch when he was homeless, but no car, no money, no bail, no cigarettes, no beer. GOD it was hard.
Good luck. I'm sorry you are going through these tough times. All will be well.
Lost.....Please read some books by Claire Weekes. You can get them very cheap through Amazon.com I found them very very helpful. They were turning points in my life. Don't underestimate what they could do for you.
Lost,
Just say the word and we are all on our way to Ontario! We'll have ourselves a big old, "GET HAPPY, LOST PARTY!"
It might be fun as long as a certain someone does not bring one of his Zuni fetish dolls. ;)
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