Still living

I'm still alive and I think it's time for me to stop being such a big baby and get over myself. I've just been caught in this spiral of depression and guilt and I really need to put the brakes on this before it gets completely out of hand. If there is anyone who doesn't know I've been diagnosed with a depression/anxiety disorder and I take several medications to try and keep myself on an even keel. My doctor has recently stopped one of those meds and after taking it for a couple of years I'm having some withdrawal symtoms. Add that to this awful situation with Jamie and I'm one hysterical crying fit away from the looney bin. Thank gawd I have Katie and BT - they keep me kinda grounded and don't let me get too far into that circular thinking that has my mind whirling like a hamster wheel. All of my blog buddies are a great help too - I don't have many "real world" friends so you all are my support when I'm feeling like a great big loser. Thank you all you've helped me more than you can ever know. I'm back now.

Blue

So I've been a little down in the dumps this week and haven't been blogging at all.
Jamie was let out of jail AGAIN on Monday and is back in the neighbourhood. His probation officer called on Wednesday and they have put out a warrant for his arrest - hopefully next time they will keep him in jail a little longer. I'll be back in a couple of days - hopefully I'll be a little more up. Thank you everyone for your kind words, they really help when I'm feeling truly rotten about all this.

Lather, rinse, repeat

So I met with Jamie's probation officer on Friday afternoon. Geez, she was a tiny little thing and didn't look much older than 18 herself. Anyways, I told her all about Jamie and the things he's been doing. She said that she would be putting out a warrant for his arrest - at least it would be getting him off the streets. She also told us to call the police and have him arrested every time we saw him breaching his probation. It seems the more breach of probation charges he gets, the more likely the judge is to put him somewhere off the streets.

Saturday night rolls around and at 5 past 11, we go out looking for Jamie. And there he is, sitting at the bus stop smoking and kabitzing with two of his buddies. BT stands in the doorway of the bus shelter preventing him from leaving and I called the police again. Ten minutes later, two cruisers show up and they arrest Jamie and take him away. During the wait, Jamie is jovial and quite happy. He says last week when he was arrested, they took him to the police station, charged him and then drove him to the Salvation Army and let him go. So he was in custody last week for less than an hour. Jamie was convinced this was the same that would happen this time but this time they put him in handcuffs and REALLY searched him. I got a call from a police officer this morning at 7 am asking if I was going to bail Jamie out - to which I said "No, why would I have him arrested just to bail him out?". Seems they have to call me since Jamie is still a minor. Anyhow I got a call from the juvenile detention centre this afternoon, so at least Jamie will be sleeping inside for a few days, eating decent food and having showers. Hopefully, the judge won't let him out on his own recognisance this time.

It's a relief to get him off the street but I was feeling really really guilty when they were leading him away in handcuffs - no matter that he was laughing the whole time. I hope this is the last time I have to have him arrested before the "system" starts giving him some help - he'll accept advice and help from anyone but me. *sigh* Even one of the cops on Saturday night was telling me that our young offender laws have the kids laughing at the legal system and there just isn't much that the cops can do. We are hoping that the cops took us seriously on Saturday when we told them that we would be calling every night if we had to to get Jamie off the streets. I have to think of Katie and at this point, I dont' trust Jamie as far as I could throw him and I dont' want him anywhere NEAR her.

Pure bliss I tell ya

Well my son the delinquent is back in the neighbourhood. Hanging out in front of my house as a matter of fact. Grand, just grand. I'm afraid to leave the damn house now or to let Katie leave the house. I don't know that he would actually touch either of us as he has a good healthy fear of BT but you just never know.

I spoke to the cop that was here the other night and he says our best bet is Jamie's probation officer who can revoke his probation and maybe get him put somewhere he can get some help. So I'm off to see the Probation officer at 2 this afternoon armed with all my paperwork and fears. The really happy part is that my doctor took me off one of my meds this week (because of the weight gain it causes) and I'm jittering like a crack junkie. I'm gonna look like the mother of the year shaking and sweating. We'll see how it goes. More later.

Oh the joy of it

Things just get better and better. Yesterday afternoon I received a call from Jamie's lawyer - seems they let Jamie right back out of jail and his lawyer is looking for him. AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa what was the friggin point of getting the cops to take him???? Of course now BT and I are on pins and needles waiting for something else to happen. Jamie's just the kinda guy to want some revenge for us having him arrested. Great. We're terrified that we are going to have to replace the windshield again. There isn't even another parking spot available at any of the other complexs around here that my super manages, so we can't even "hide" the car.

I finally got the name of Jamie's probation officer and I contacted her. I have an appointment to talk to her on Friday and I'm taking everything I have for Jamie - his psych report from school etc. It seems that she hasn't been able to find him and he hasn't gone for one single appointment since his sentencing last month (he is supposed to see her twice a month). I'm hoping that I can convince her to put him in a group home or something so that he won't be living on the street. We'll have to see what happens. Ain't life grand?

Hell Part Deux

Well this week has been awful.
For the past week or so I've been noticing that food has been going missing but I thought it must just be Katie or BT eating and I didn't think anything of it.

Friday rolls along and Katie comes home from school. All of sudden she comes charging down from her bedroom - all of her money that she's been saving is gone. Every.last.penny. Then BT noticed that the huge pillar candle we used to keep our change in is missing. Jamie. He's the only other person who knew about the candle and the only one with balls enough to creep in whilst I was sleeping and steal it. Seems Katie left the door unlocked when she left for school and I didn't wake until about 45 minutes after she left. I was ...um...pissed off to say the least. So I called the police and the officer who came here told me that unfortunately I couldn't PROVE it was Jamie so I couldn't charge him. I told the officer that Jamie was breaching his probation because he's back to living on the streets and sleeping outside. The cop told me that they wouldn't search for him and wouldn't even question him about the thefts from my house. Frustrating.

Saturday afternoon and BT leaves the house to go to the store. Five minutes later he comes thundering back in - the front windshield on his brand new car is smashed in. Not another car in the parking lot has been touched - three guesses who threw the rock through the windshield. So we call the cops again and they won't even come out, they take a report over the PHONE!!! Eventually the cop who was here on Saturday night calls and we ask him "Look, if we see Jamie out the street after his curfew can we hold him until the police come?" The very nice officer says yes yes we can. I figure it's got to better having him in the detention home than sleeping on the streets and breaking in here. Plus, gawd knows we can't afford to be replacing BT's windshield every week - that's $300 a week we can't afford. So I made the decision to turn him in if I catch him on the street.

So after 11 BT and I go out hunting Jamies. Two minutes later who comes strolling down the street, filthy and stinking. BT grabbed him and I hightailed it to a phone to call for the officer that told us we could hold him. It took nearly a half hour for the cops to come and four cruisers showed up when they finally did. Because Jamie was screaming his head off, it turns out that half the street had been calling 911 because they thought someone was being killed. Jamie wasn't hurt, not even bruised except for his ego. The cops took him away and I had to fill out a statement saying that he had NOT been living with me,I believed that he had been breaking into my house and had smashed the windshield on BT's car.

The best part is when we were waiting for the police to show up, Jamie informed me that this was all my fault and that if Potsie and I hadn't split up none of this would have happened. Greeaaaattttt. A heaping helping of guilt with a side order of bad parenting. Happy friggin Mothers Day. Jamie will never forgive me for having him arrested. I'm just feelin like a great mother today. I hope I did the right thing.

Pissed, pissy, pissier

I don't know what is wrong with me lately but I have been the Queen of Mood Swings. I've been snappy and pissy and completely angry for no good reason. I wish I knew why I'm so pissy. I know when I'm being bitchy and I can't seem to stop myself. Does this happen to everyone? I know everyone here is getting sick of my lightning ups and downs. I think I need to see the doctor again.
I'm off to sulk now. Maybe.

A beautiful meme

So I was tagged by Rachelle at Why Not Blog so I'll give it a shot.

So here's how it goes... Pick 5 items from the following list, and complete the sentence with whatever fabulous things you can think of that you would do if you could be one of these things. No fair picking things you already are, either. Then you’re supposed to tag 3 other people to continue the excitement of the meme-ing.

If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an inn-keeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
If I could be a world famous blogger…
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…
If I could be married to any current famous political figure

If I could be a doctor...... I'd find a cures for Alzheimers and AIDS. I know they aren't exactly related but they are both so horrible that I couldn't make up my mind. I've seen what both can do and to be able to prevent anyone else from going through it would be wonderful.

If I could be a linguist....I'd create a language that everyone could learn quickly and easily. Imagine how wonderful it would be if everyone around the world could understand one another with no language barriers.

If I could be a painter.....I'd hope I could be as good as Vit. She is such a wonderful artist that you can see what she wants you to see with only a few brushstrokes.

If I could be a scientist...I'd create a fuel source that was re-newable, cheap and non-polluting. Of course I'd need around the clock protection from the oil interests.

If I could be a musician....I'd love to play the drums. I always wanted to but my parents got me an accordian instead. In school I signed up for drums but my parents changed it to clarinet. *sigh* I just might be a budding Buddy Rich, it could happen!! LOL

Now I have to tag three people - Rowan, Tony and Snicks. Do it or not as you please. lol.