Sorry for not posting all week, I admit it I've been incredibly lazy this week. I'll do better, k? Anyways, I have my rant for the week lol.
I like to think of myself as a pretty liberal person about most things. I'm not an incredibly strict parent except for a couple of things and one of those things is MANNERS. I don't know about anyone else but I know in my family growing up we had manners drilled into us so that even now when I meet strangers who are a)more important than me or b)older than me I find it exceptionally difficult not to use "Ma'am" and "Sir". At my last job, I used to get into trouble all the time because we weren't supposed to use those terms (we were supposed to use their name and I couldn't do it). Geez, I'm.....well, over 35 lets say (lol) and my aunt wants me to stop calling her Aunt Elizabeth cuz it makes her feel old and I just CAN'T do it. Now I spent alot of time teaching my children manners that went beyond just saying "Please and thank you" which seems to be the standard. Manners also include being nice to strangers (ie newcomers into your class, office neighbourhood whatever), treating others the way you would want to treated, along with the manners that will let my kids fit in no matter where they go. Jamie took his manners and decided it was too much work once he left the house. Katie, on the other hand, is polite to everyone and is wonderfully patient even when she's bored to tears, she knows what fork to use for what and what kind of wine goes with meat or fish. I've never considered this to be a waste of time as it will give her so many options as she gets older and will allow her to fit in nearly anywhere she goes.
The reason for this rant? Potsie's fiance has two daughters. One of them lives with her and Potsie full time now, let's call her Candi. Candi and Katie used to be like two peas in a pod. When they met it was like long lost twins finding each other and they loved being together. At first, the fiance and Potsie were living in our old house, then they bought a new house together and the two girls were sharing a room happy as clams. This has recently changed. Candi decided last year that she wanted to live with her mom full time and only visit with her dad on weekends and in the summer. Okay so far. In the last six months, Candi has become, well, to put it politely, boy-crazy and has been making lots of new friends in her new school. It all came to a head about a month ago when Candi was invited to stay the night at a friends house where they were having a birthday party for the friends older brother. Candi invited Katie along (I heard all this from Kate btw) and before Katie agreed she made Candi promise to include her because she didn't know any of these kids. Promised given off they went to the party. I won't even get into the party - it was what happened AFTER that pissed me off. Next day, they are walking home - a half hour walk apprx.- when Candi and her crony tell Katie to walk behind them about 10 feet cuz "they had to talk". Katie couldn't even just say screw you and head home on her own because she didn't know the way so there she was trailing after them ALL THE WAY HOME. They finally started walking with her about 2 minutes before they reached Potsie's place.
Katie came home telling me that she would only be visiting her dad from now on when Candi WOULDN'T be there as she wants nothing more to do with her. It took me about a week to get all this out of Katie and about another week to make her see that what Candi did was wrong and exceptionally rude. Even though Katie asked me not to, I told her dad because she hadn't been there for weeks and he was worried about why she hadn't come to see him. Let's just say that Potsie was unimpressed. This weekend Katie is back at her dad's place and is supposed to moving into their spare room so that she doesn't have to deal with Candi.
It could be that I'm just overreacting but I don't think so because I finally got out of Katie that this isn't the first time that this has happened. Now I know that teenage girls are evil, hell I was one, but this goes beyond just being thoughtless. It was so rude and mean I just couldn't believe it and especially to MY little girl. Am I just being overprotective and overreacting? Would you put up with YOUR kids doing something like that to a guest? Self=esteem is so fragile in girls at this age and I don't want Katie to think something is wrong with HER! So what is your opinion on all of this? Is Candi the one at fault or is this a parenting failure or am I just looking for a reason to rant? lol
8 years ago
8 comments:
Teenage girls flip rapidly between wonderful and obnoxious but I would be very angry with anyone who used my child. Your daughter is wise to avoid this manipulator.
I wish EVERYONE would go back to using manners!! it would certainly chill everyone out a bit. We area ll too uptight.
i love good manners, don't always use them, but aspire to. and i think everyone else should as well!
Katie would do well to stay away form that one.
I find kid's today to be so very rude and insolent - to the point that I've really seriously wanted to kick their arses on many occasions.
I was brought up to be respectful and, at times, its the most wonderful thing to BE respected.
You've done well, Lost. Don't lose sight of that. And don't ever let anyone say you didn't bring your Katie up knowing right from wrong and respect from rudeness.
Extremely rude though it is, girls do this all the time. It was done to me constantly and I am often heard yelling at my own daughter for treating her friends this way. Admittedly, she's 10, but she does it too. Just depends more on who is a follower of the pack, and who is a leader. My daughter is a follower. She cares more what her friends think of her actions, than what is right and wrong. I think Jamie and Candi went this route too..to different extremes obviously.
I am impressed with Katie's wherewithall to avoid this girl. That is a very smart move. This Candi sounds like she is heading down a wrong path and best if Katie stays away, better for her.
Just tell Katie that the next time she goes some place with Candi - to tell her that she is going to walk ten feet behind her because she doesn't want people to think they're together.
Yeah, I know, two wrongs don't make a right... but sometimes they make you feel better :)
I'd feel the same as you - absolutely bloody livid - but you need to remember that Candi is just an ill-educated kid and Katie is going to come in contact with rude, bad behaviour again in the future. Just keep on bolstering Katie with praise for her good manners and you can both pity Candi that she doesn't have the training in good manners or the wit to appreciate that in the end she's going to have very few worthwhile friends if that's the way she treats people.
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