Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday. One of those so-called important ones with a 0 at the end. BT came and surprised me since I didn't expect to see him until today. He even went out and bought my favorite food for dinner unfortunately when he got it here the bag broke and dinner became part of the kitchen floor arrrrggggggg. That was an incredible mess that needed to be cleaned up while the cats and dog were fighting to get close enough to gobble it up. Potsie showed up with Katie and birthday gifts. Potsie and fiance gave me a lovely pair of leather gloves and Katie a paperback by my favorite author. Things were going well when BT and I spotted water dripping through the ceiling - ggggggrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt. Now with bucket in position I'm thinking we'll find the leak tomorrow. Thank the gods this is a rental lol. It was a pretty good birthday (I've had worse lol).

I'm Back

I think I've recovered enough to talk about the hell that was my Christmas. The trip to my parents was nightmarishly long with the dog whining and teenager complaining about dog. When we finally arrived and got in the house, my younger brother was already there with his HUGE gallumphing mastiff Rosie. Rosie took my little Toto for a squeeky toy and pinned her to the ground with a gigantic paw and started chewing on her. Needless to say, I was not impressed so my little dog got back in the car to drive with BT to go and visit his family (she made dog #4 at their house without a single problem I might add). It was a strange Christmas eve because we were all at my parents at the same time (except for Jamie). My mother had driven to Oshawa earlier Friday to pick up my grandmother (her mother), this is an hour and a half there and then the same back. It was a full house with everyone happy and friendly - can you hear the dramatic music building? I wish I had.

Christmas morning was good with everyone opening their gifts and liking them. My grandmother was disappointed that her present from me was so small and my parents gift was so large in comparison. I had given her 18kt gold earrings with a small emerald in each and my parents gift was a small fridge cooler for storing wine. At least Grandma got gifts she could actually USE this year. Grandma went overboard with the presents again less this year than last but still too many. She came with 5 Santa bags full of presents - she shops all year in discount stores and ends up with lots and lots of presents. It gets to be so much stuff that you don't know what you get. Anyhow. We had breakfast and tidied up all the wrapping etc. Now the sniping begins. Not much just little comments here and there but everyone goes to a different part of the house and things calm down. Dinner goes extremely well with everyone happy, the crackers all had good things in them, we all wore our silly paper crowns and we stuffed ourselves with more turkey than seemed humanly possible.
After dinner, it was nap time all round and then a quiet early evening.

Boxing Day and a little trip down the road of family hell. Everything started out fine, sitting around the living room having tea, coffee whatever chatting about things. Then somehow the conversation turns to money and my grandmother brings up an incident that happened 37 years ago where she thinks my parents cheated her out of $2000. I should explain that my grandmother gave my parents $2000 to help with the deposit on their house and they let her live with them for 13 YEARS. Fair trade I would say. Anyways, as it started heating up I got the hell out and went to pack my bag and hope like hell BT got there soon. Then I realized that I had left my youngest brother up there trapped between the two of them and I went to rescue him but by that point they had retreated to neutral rooms still yelling and then came the slamming of the doors. *sigh* Merry Christmas. My mother and I had already planned to hit the (ew) Walmart - mostly because my youngest brother works there and gets a discount - so off we went to Walmart leaving my dad, younger brother and grandmother at the house. By the time we got back (loaded with loot btw lol) my younger brother was gone having taken my grandmother home. My dad was LIVID seems that while we were gone my grandmother had accused him of all kinds of things including hitting her. My brother would have KILLED my dad if he raised a hand to my grandma. She also told him that we are all out of the will because "we took my mothers side". *sigh* By the time I left my mother was planning on writing my grandma a cheque for $2000 and telling her that she never wanted to hear from her again. Great. Now all the rest of us will be stuck in the middle and won't be able to win no matter what we do. I was NEVER so happy to see BT pull up and to get home was wonderful.

On the bright side, I got what I wanted for Christmas. My youngest brother got me a toaster oven and my parents got me the pillows that I wanted - better than I wanted actually, they gave me double down pillows - soooooooooo soft. I got a new purse for my birthday too. Katie gave me a lovely book on Egyptology. Oooo and my younger brother brought me a bottle of REAL vanilla from Mexico, it smells wonderful.

Merry Christmas

I've got just about everything wrapped up now. I just have one gift left to wrap and that's for Joy's granddaughter. I figured it wouldn't be much of a Christmas for her this year with her grandma gone so I picked up a gift for her. Other than that, I'm done. I was making some cd's for the ex - Katie's gift for him - and now that they are finished I've got to pack a bit for the trip to my mother's. I still haven't figured out what to do with my parents gift - I bought them a little wine fridge, it holds 17 bottles of wine and looks like a bar fridge. I thought since they make their own wine this might be a good gift - here's hoping. I hope today's weather is better than yesterday's, it was uuggggggly out there. It snowed all night the night before and then yesterday was a nasty combination of snow, rain and sleet. The field in front of my house looks pretty but all the cars (and everything else) is covered with a layer of ice. I went out to move my car so BT could park in my spot and it took 20 minutes to clear a tiny bit of window and then I got stuck in a plowdrift and that took 45 minutes to get out of. Ah the joys of little cars.
Anyways, I'm off to Potsie's to pick up Katie and then we are off on the 3 hour drive to Grandma's house LOL - everyone have a Merry Christmas and if you are driving, play it safe there are going to be tons of idiots on the roads this weekend.

These are the blogs in my neighbourhood la la la

Mr Rogers is probably spinning like a top in his grave with me stealing his song LOL. Anyhow, I was reading Dani's post over at This Could Only Happen to Me and she was talking about all the blogs she reads. She challenged everyone to do the same thing on their blog so here goes:

I read Alisa at And Then Everything went Horribly Wrong. She describes her life with great humour and I enjoy reading her. She is positively cutting about Suzanne Sommers LOL.

All Anne, All the Time is an interesting read sometimes she lollyblogs but she tells some very funny stories. She's Canadian too.

Blogeois at Blogeois Journal is an exceptional writer who draws me into her world again and again. She posts nearly every day and I feel like I know her. I know I respect her.

Cathy at Domestic Psychology is warm, funny and busy but she finds time to post every day. I would hang out with her any day. Cathy's husband Doug has his own blog at Reality Me! and he also is incredibly busy but posts daily. They have a THIRD blog Our Aspergers Teenage Boy where the two of them post regularly about the trials of raising their son who has Aspergers Syndrome. I read about Tommy and I have so much respect for the two of them and the really outstanding job they are doing.

Helen at the Everyday Stranger is an amazing writer. She posts nearly every day and I always read her posts with a sense of wonder - she really should seriously write novels.

Zoe at My Boyfriend is a Twat makes me laugh. She lives in Belgium and posts every day. Her sense of humour is something else and she is a genuinely nice person - someone you would want to go out to dinner with because you just know you'd be laughing all night. Zoe was the first blog I had ever seen and inspired me to start my own.

JonnyB at I don't believe it live in England and writes very funny posts about his life and the trouble he gets into. He only posts on weekdays but I enjoy reading his stuff.

Tony at I need Stronger Medication is a sweetheart who just makes me want to mother him. Sometimes he makes me laugh and sometimes he makes me cry but I go there every day to see if he's posted. He doesn't post every day - personally I think he only does that to keep us on our toes. LOL

CarolC from Inmylife is a retired lady in Texas. She was the first person to find my blog when I started blogging. Sometimes her blog makes me laugh and sometimes to seriously think about something. She doesn't post every day but I check every day.

Joe at Joe.My.God. is a blog I only found less than a week ago through another blog. I spent a whole day reading his archives and wow! he can really write a gripping story. It's not often I find someone who's writing can make me cry as readily as some of his stories. I haven't been reading him long enough to know if he posts every day so we'll have to see.

MrBob at Just a Middle Aged Guy is an ex-cop from somewhere in the middle of the USA. He posts every day and although I might not always agree with him, he always makes me think. MrBob isn't afraid to write about anything- no matter now contraversial it may be. He also tells some awfully funny stories about his time as a police officer.

Kristy at Kristyk is the mother of 7 in New Mexico and I marvel every day at how she manages her life. She takes the most wonderful pictures of the world around her and her family. Kristy posts every day with stories of her life and family.

Mary Lou at Life after NEXCOM is a retired lady that lives in Washington state. I would SO hang out with Mary Lou any day of the week - she's funny, warm and writes fantastic stories about the world around her. Sometimes it might be birds in her yard and other times it'll be about something her cats did but all her posts are interesting and seem to speak directly to you. Mary Lou posts every day.

Phyllis at Life on Whidbey is Mary Lou's sister and lives a stone's throw away from her. I've only just started reading her blog (today as a matter of fact LOL) but as I read through the archives I've gained alot respect for Phyllis and her sometimes irreverent sense of humour. (what can I say - she loves fart jokes LOL)

Nero at Never argue with an idiot is another Canadian that lives in BC. She doesn't post every day but I always check. She has an internet radio show that I listen to every week even though it means I have to stay up very very late - the best part is that it's interactive and she gets to talk to her listeners so its like a giant chat session. It's at www.justrant.com on Thursday nights. She makes me giggle and occasionally snort LOL.

Special K at Shaking a fist in Impotent rage is Canadian too. She posts nearly every day. Her posts are so funny that you won't believe it. She's taught me all about the evils of Mr Lucious Couch and joys of Happy Underpant Time.

Snicks lives in Baltimore and is another sweetie who makes me want to mother him. I wish he would post every day but I suppose he's allowed to have a life outside of the blogging world LOL.

Pisser at the Pissed Kitty Cometh lives in LA and posts on weekdays. She is a complete howl and she doesn't pull any punches in her likes and dislikes. She's so pretty that you just want to hate her but you just can't. Kinda frenetic but totally funny - I can't wait to read her posts.

Last but certainly not least is Dani at This Could Only Happen to Me. She lives in Colorado. She posts every day and I'm always interested in what is going on her life. If she lived down the street, we would definately be hangin out LOL.

Meet Shadow 

Three things

Ok Mary Lou - I'm doing as I was told lol.

Three names you go by:

Leslie
Lee
Mom

Three screen names you have:

Lostdawill



Three things you like about yourself:

I am loyal.
I love to laugh.
I am a wicked ballroom dancer

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:

I am soooo out of shape (read that as fat)
I am not comfortable around people I don't know
I don't clean the house as often as I should

Three parts of your heritage:

Scottish


Three things that scare you:

Losing a child or anyone that I love
Dying alone
crowds

Three of your everyday essentials:

Diet Coke
Cigarettes
Meds

Three things you are wearing right now:

Jammies
Hair scrunchie

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:

Forbidden Broadway
Bowling for Soup
Toni Braxton

Three of your favorite songs at present:

Tyrone
1985
He wasn't man enough for me

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Moving from this horrible city
Getting my life back together
Excersing

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Laughter
Conversation
Attentativeness

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

Red Hair
Big (like football player big - they make me feel petite lol)
Nice eyes

Three things you just can’t do:

Math
Draw (stick figures are my limit)
Leave my house some days

Three of your favorite hobbies:

Cross-stitching
Reading
Blogging

Three careers you are considering:

been there done that…


Three places you’d like to go on vacation:

Egypt
Thailand
Australia

Three kids’ names:

James
Katherine
Glenn

Three things you want to do before you die:

Meet all of my blogging friends
be healthy again
Lose weight

Three people you’d like to see take this quiz now:

I’ll steal Mary Lou's answer:

Everyone who reads this
Everyone who reads this
and
Everyone who reads this
(grin)

9 more days

Only 9 more days until my birthday. It's one of those important birthdays - you know one that ends in a 0. Wonder what I'll end up with this year lol. Last year, the ex and kids bought me jigsaw puzzles. BT bought me "The Stand" DVD and a DVD burner for my 'puter. As for my family, well, they are guilty of combination presents - birthday/christmas presents. Just for the record, I'd like to point out that birthdays near Christmas BITE. No parties growing up, combination presents and its completely overshadowed by the whole holiday season. Now that I think about it, it could be my birthday that has me down rather than just not having alot of christmas spirit. Lordy, I sound like such a whiner lol.

I went to the fabric store and picked up some fleecy fabric for making some bigass fuzzy robes, I've never really tried my sewing machine on that artic fleece kinda stuff so we'll have to see how they turn out. Then Special K will be getting her bigass robe lol.

Oh Mary Lou, if you only knew how tempting your offer is lol. Your home sounds like a kind of paradise of tranquility and laughter but I don't know how long you could stand a houseguest, 2 extra cats and a dog LOL.

I found the funniest stuff out there on the internet the other day and I've been downloading ever since. I'm making a CD for the ex and I've been giggling like mad ever since. It's called Forbidden Broadway and I think you need to be a kind of musical theatre buff to get some of the jokes but I've been enjoying myself. One is called Anne
(sung to the tune of Tomorrow)
I'm 30 years old
Tomorrow
And I haven't worked since I was 10

Hehehehe well I thought it was funny.

Bored bored bored

As you might be able to tell, I'm bored. Katie is with her dad for the week and will be going with me to my mom's on Christmas Eve then I take her back to his place on Boxing Day. BT is away working for the week so it's just me and the zoo. Sometimes I wish the dog could talk. It's bloody cold outside - that freeze-your-nosehair kinda cold so I don't even want to think about taking the dog for a walk.
I think to occupy myself I'm going to dig out the sewing machine and make a nice fuzzy robe for BT. Hell, maybe I'll start a fuzzy robe business LOL sending all the bloggers I know fleecy bathrobes lol. Hope everyone is large cuz that's the only size I make hahahahahaha. I guess I'm just getting punchy with boredom. There isn't even anything good on television - it's totally rerun land unless I want to watch Frosty the Snowman - alone. Okay enough whining I'm going to play a game for a while.

I'm a copy-cat too

Because I am a ginormous copy-cat of Tony...I present to thee, the following:

I am: Lost
I love: reading, music and blogging
I hate: brussel sprouts, liver and hot peppers
I fear: wasps, crowds, people
I crave: cigarettes
I regret: not going to university when I had the chance
I cry: frequently
I care: too much about what other people think of me
I always: check my e-mail
I feel alone: a lot
I listen: very well
I hide: in my house
I drive: a standard
I dance: well
I write: long letters when I actually have a penpal that writes back
I play: adventure games
I miss: my Grandpa alot
I know: how to ballroom dance
I say: fuck far to often
I wonder: where I'll be in a year
I want: to never have to worry about money again
I have: great family and friends
I give: up far too often
I feel: fat more often than not
I need: more sleep

Court TV

My name is Lost and I"m an addict.

I'm a Court TV junkie. I find it several thousand times more interesting than daytime television and even though it can get oh soooooooo boring (Peterson blah blah blah) sometimes it brings up topics that really make me think. This morning was one of those times.

It seems that in Toronto and another city they are going with a pilot program to put cameras in police cars. You might say "What's the problem with that?" Which was also my question, considering we see it all the time on TV from the US. It seems the main reason for the implimentation for this was originally because some police in Toronto were accused of racial profiling and there was at least one case of a young black man being brutalized by police.

It seems the officers are upset by this program on two levels. The first is what they consider to be the excessive cost that will be incurred by the police department in installing and maintaining the cameras and the second is that they feel they are being accused of something - that they are required to do this because they aren't trusted to do their jobs competantly.

So because of watching this, you are going to get the benefit of my opinion LOL. I really can't see the harm in having the cameras. I feel they can only HELP the officers, it means they would have an impartial eye watching that can be a witness to anything that occurs. No more charges of racial profiling or police brutality. What I want to know is just how common in-car cameras are in the States - the gentleman that was on television was saying that they are only standard on State Police vehicles and not in urban centres. We see television shows from the US all the time that are pieces of video directly from dashboard cams in police cars. It seems to me that it would just be one more piece of evidence they could present for drunk drivers, car chases etc etc. Am I wrong?

No title

Stuck for a title again - i'm so lame lol. As you can see I went on a bit of a blog updat-a-thon. It's really the first time I've tried buggering around with the code on here - it was always with a hint of mystery that I hit that republish button to see what I'd done LOL.

Jamie showed up yesterday to pick up some clothes. He looks ok and I let him take a bag full of his clothes. He has cut his beard so that he just has that stupid lookin fringe of hair along the jaw line. He was here for all of five minutes, bummed bus money off me and then left. Ah well.

I talked wih an old friend of mine, Rowan, last night. It was so good to hear from her - her and her husband and me and the ex used to be inseperable. We met while we were all taking ballroom dancing lessons and although there is kinda an age difference (they're 25) we had such a good time together. Unfortunately, Potsie and I breaking up put them in kind of an awkward position and I tried not to make it any worse and we fell out of contact. I was even a bridesmaid at her wedding, the first time I had ever been asked, and I feel more like a big sister than a friend. I'll have to tell the story of their wedding day sometime as it gets pretty funny but not tonight. I also have funny dancing stories but you'd have to understand the context for them to be funny LOL.

I had a small freak out today when I realized that my debit card had gone missing so the hunt began all over the house, through the garbage, under the carpet - you know, all the usual places lol. I finally called BT to find out if I had left it in his car and thank the gods it's there in his car. I was panicking because I have to get a few more prezzies and without that card, that ain't happening.

I'm sending out my last few Christmas cards so if there is anyone out there that wants one, that I haven't sent one to - email me your address quick lol.

Same ol same ol

Nothing interesting happening around here lately. No news from Jamie so I guess he hasn't been arrested again and that's a good thing. I got a Christmas card from Mary Lou yesterday and it was my first one this year. I've never gotten a hand-made card before so this card is doubly honoured.

I was stumped about what to write about and then I read Tony's blog about the Peterson trial and verdict. I'm kinda addicted to daytime court tv and for the last two weeks geez it's bee all about the verdict in this case. Personally, I don't know how that jury found him guilty since the evidence was all circumstantial but that is just based on what I know about the case maybe they got evidence that didn't actually make it to the media. Then the jury comes back with death - I'm stunned with that one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally against the death penalty, I just don't believe it should be imposed when there is even the slightest possibility that the person could be exonerated at some point. There have been so many death sentences overturned when DNA or further evidence proves that that person was not guilty - as far as I know Ohio still has a moritorium on the death sentence because they had so many cases overturned in a very short period of time. Someone in jail for a crime they didn't commit is bad but finding out they didn't commit it AFTER he's been executed is worse. For those people that are wayyyyy guilty - proved by DNA or video evidence etc and their crime is particularly heinous then yup go ahead and execute though it's less expensive to keep their butt in jail than have them appeal for two decades.

Just my opinion - I could be wrong. Never know.

I made it.

I made through the week. Joy's funeral was basically a memorial as she was cremated, but it was very nice and there was a real feeling of love listening to her family.

Jamie has called a couple of times this week wanting me to deliver more clothes to him there at the youth shelter. BT says if Jamie wants his stuff he's going to have to come here and get it. BT still figures I'm going to let Jamie come back but I can't help but think how nice the quiet has been - no fighting, no need to lock everything up and food left in the fridge after more than 2 days.

So all my Christmas shopping is done except for a new memory card for Katie's mp3 player. It's all she asked for and it's not too expensive. I got all my Christmas cards mailed out - woo hoo. Last year, I don't think I sent a single card - heck this year I even sent out cards to the relatives in Scotland. I have one last package to put in the mail but I think I still have plenty of time for that.

I think I'm actually starting to feel better not like I'm hanging on by my fingernails any more. I've decided that if there is going to be apologizing done to Tonya's parents it'll have to Jamie that does it - I feel bad about what happened but nothing I can say will change what happened. I told Potsie (the ex) about it tonight and I think he actually looked relieved that he hasn't had to deal with any of this. I think I need to start giving the cops HIS number to call when Jamie gets in trouble. Ah well, I hope everyone has a good weekend, I'm going to visit Grandma so that should eat up most of tomorrow lol.

Can you hear the dramatic music?

well the police officer from the other city finally got ahold of me - as we've been playing telephone tag since Thursday. Seems she wanted to talk to me about Jamie and find if he was living here or not. Then she told me whole story which I heard with this sinking feeling. Jmie is in more trouble - alot more trouble if this officer is correct. It seems that 4 teenagers were found riding in a stolen car in Welland (town not far from here), this stolen car belonged to the parents of Jamie's erstwhile girlfriend Tonya. According to Tonya's parents several things were found missing from their house including jewelry and a spare set of keys to their car. There was no evidence of a break-in and Tonya admitted that she had had Jamie in the house while her parents were not home. Now comes the really great part, acording to the kids caught in the stolen car, they bought said keys/car from Jamie and his friend Allen (that he was caught with in the OTHER stolen car). Lovely. I told the officer on the phone where Jamie could be found and she says that they will alerting the police department here. She doesn't even know if Jamie will be charged or not so we'll have to see.
Now I'm stuck. I really like Tonya's parents and I feel awful but I'm just so embarassed by what he's done that I don't think I can even call them and begin to apologize for what he's done. This whole Jamie fiasco just gets worse and worse. I'm just loving my life lately.

Joy

My neighbour's name was Joy. She moved in during the summer with her husband John, her daughter Tina and her granddaughter Chrissy. Tina is mentally challenged and so is Chrissy. Joy had been through a terrible first marriage where the term "spousal abuse" doesn't even begin to cover it. She worked as a security guard and she loved her job.
Thursday afternoon, BT and I saw Tina running back and forth in front of our complex. She was crying and hysterical. Her mother, Joy, had had a stroke and she was alone with her. The ambulance was on the way and she had to stay outside to direct the emergency crews (our complex is difficult to get into at the best of times). That meant Joy was in the house alone - I rushed over to the house and talked to Joy, trying to keep her calm while we waited for the ambulance. It was definately a stroke = her entire left side was paralized. When the ambulance crew arrived I got out of their way and tried to calm Tina down and help her get her mothers health information together along with her medication. Just as the ambulance was leaving John pulled in, Tina had called him at work. I let John know what hospital they were taking Joy to and explained what I knew and then I left them to their business.
I hadn't heard anything and I thought the ambulance crew had got to Joy quickly enough that it would only be a minor stroke. Last night, John came to see me. He wanted to thank me for the help I had given on Thursday and he wanted to let me know that Joy had suffered two more major strokes in the hospital and had been put on life support. The whole family had a conference with the doctor and he had detailed the brain damage and the fact that Joy was virtually brain dead and the family as a group decided to turn off the life support. Joy passed away yesterday afternoon at 1pm. She was 56 years old, a extremely nice woman and someone who deserved the happiness that she had in the last 5 years of her life. The funeral is Wednesday - and even if there is a crowd - fuck the agoraphobia, I'll be there to pay my respects. Good-bye Joy.

Thank you

I want to say thank you to everyone who has given me so much support over this awful week. You all have no idea how much it meant to me to have someone say they understood and were behind me all the way. So thank you Kristy, Cathy, Carol, Mary Lou, Tony, Mr. Bob, Blogois, Doug, Snicks, Danelle and everyone else who commented - you all made me stronger in the face of a crisis that I really needed to face with strength. Okay I'm getting all sniffly again but at least I'm smiling this time. Thank you all again.

A call from outer space

Jamie called today. He's out of the detention centre and living in the youth shelter again. He says he's quite happy to be there since it's fun there not boring like it is here. Lovely. His court date is December 23 - Merry Christmas. He doesn't seem to have really learned anything from his stay in custody although he does say he doesn't want to go back to jail so I guess I should be thankful for small mercies. Hell he wanted to talk to his sister today which is unusual in itself. I want to go and rescue him, bring him home and let him start over but I know if I do that nothing will change. This is so hard.

Still feelin sad

I got a call from a Juvenile detention centre last night. They wanted to tell me all their rules so that I can take calls from Jamie and visit him too. I spoke to Jamie for a couple of minutes and he was very upset with me that I didn't bail him out. He started crying on the phone and when I hung up I was crying too. I know this is what it's going to take to make him start thinking seriously about what he's been up to but omg it hurts.

Tonight Katie and I went out for dinner as BT was visiting family. We went to a great japanese restaurant and then finished off my christmas shopping. At least I've gotten something accomplished this week other than sitting around crying. The only really worrying thing today is when we got home I found a message on the machine from OTHER police department wanting to talk to me about Jamie. I tried calling back but I'm only getting voice mail this is just one more worry I didn't really need. *sigh*

And the winner of worst Mother of the Year is.....

Me.
I've never felt worse than I did today - leaving Jamie to the system. Seems Jamie told his Duty Counsel that there were no problems at home and that I would be THRILLED to come and sign a $500 bond to get him out of jail. I think it's going to be a hard hard lesson for Jamie to learn.