The beat goes on..........

So starting to blog again, hard stuff. I've gotten wayyy out of the rythym of writing down what I think and what I feel. Who knew you could forget how to write stuff down? Damn you Facebook *shakes fist*.

Family update I suppose. Mom is doing okay after losing my dad, it was really really tough for her at first. She had completely NEVER lived on her own in her whole life - she went from living with my grandparents to living with my dad. She was so incredibly lonely. So, screw it, we bought her a dog - a little Scottie puppy - MacDuff gave her something to take care of and I truly think he saved her from going crazy from the lonliness. Then for some reason she decided to get another dog, so Mom now has two dogs - MacDuff the Scottie and Hamish the Cairn - they are like friggin bookends and run her life. hahaha. Mom spends the spring and summer here and the most of the fall and winter at her place in Florida - this is the happiest she has been in years.

Grandma was diagnosed with senile dementia and thinks I'm trying to kill her for my inheritance. Yup all those hundreds of dollars would make me murder her. *sigh* She is finally in a "retirement" home and I'm not allowed to visit. Grandma will be 91 this year and her heart is....fragile and I cause her so much stress etc. that they are afraid that my visiting will kill her. With any luck she'll forget who I am soon and I can visit her again.

Katie-o still lives with me and I love her face. She's not working or going to school - she did one year of uni and failed spectacularly due to anxiety. I'm trying to get her to get a job at least so that she doesn't end up an unhappy hermit like me. She doesn't date - she's not interested at all. Not that she's interested in girls either, she says she's asexual and not interested in either sex. She has also informed me that unless there is some kind of miracle happening that I'm not getting grandchildren from her either and that it doesn't really matter as Jamie is trying to populate the world lol. Which lead us to Jamie............

Jamie is living quite far from me (bout a three hour drive)and has so far given me *possibly* two grandchildren. The first one a girl named Isabel was taken by CPS from the hospital as her mother was unfit. I didn't find out about Isabel until she was 7 months old and I had to make the decision on whether to take her myself or not. I decided that I'm just too old to raise another baby and that any child really deserves a home with parents who desperately want them. So I let Isabel be adopted by some new parents and I hope every day that she's happy and loved. Then Jamie told me about another baby that was due to be born this summer that he said he was the "baby daddy" but there was a very very very good possibility that he was NOT the father. I told him I wasn't getting involved unless there was a DNA test to prove it - I couldn't take another Isabel situation. Other than that, he seems to have finished changing girlfriends the way he changes socks and he's been with this one for nearly a year. I still haven't seen him though we talk on the phone etc. - it's been eight years nearly.

I'm still with BT. He's a good man and I just love the hell outta him. We are still a work in progress LOL. The cats are eleven now and just starting to slow down and show their age. Still fat and happy and rulers of their world. They wait every day for the pidgeons to land on the balcony and torment them lol.

I'm still depressed, still anxious, still agoraphobic, still have social anxiety and generally hate people in real life. My newest medication keeps me on an even keel at home so no great highs, no desperate lows and I can on occasion actually leave the house alone during the day to do things. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. I spend a lot of my time on Regretsy reading snark and laughing. I've made some real friends on there and we spend nearly every night chatting on chatzy sharing our days and fears and lives.

Back in Black

Well, I'd better get out a duster cuz man o man this place is covered in dust and cobwebs. I had the sads for quite a while - first Sam, then my dad, then my best friend Sioux and finally my little dog Toto. So basically, deep dark depression excessive misery etc. I don't know if I have anything to actually write ABOUT but I figure why not give it a shot again and considering I pretty much hate Facebook and want to kill it with fire lol. So we'll see how it goes, I guess.